I Am Second – and That Can Be Very Good

This business of dying to sin to which baptism calls us again and again can be pretty heavy duty. But often the spirituality of it all is woven into the everyday fabric of our lives.

Like the article I just read in USA Today: “Uplift in good times shows happy couples….”

Here’s what it tells: when a marriage partner responds with enthusiasm and pride to their mate’s good news – let’s say, for a promotion – the result is more satisfaction and closeness in their relationship. In other words, if the partner can set aside their own needs and just be happy for their mate, their marriage is going to be better than it was before.

The article indicates that a negative or even passive response is destructive to the relationship. In fact, the study apparently indicates that reactions to good news are more indicative of couple break-ups than reactions to bad news. We need to read that again.

The study makes me think of the Bible verse, “Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep… (Romans 12:10). I think we’ve emphasized the latter but not the former. This study should help us see the benefits of both.

Doesn’t it really require setting ourselves and our needs aside to rejoice with someone? For example, our spouse tells us of the raise received – the second one in a short time – while our own boss may give no hint that we’re even appreciated. Be happy for your spouse! That can be tough. But if in that moment we can be second, putting our own needs and feelings aside, we can improve the depth and the intimacy of our marriage. A blessing! Even more than we might by empathizing with our partner on a bad day.

For the Christian, this can be doing simply what Christ calls us to – loving one another. In another sense it’s also baptismal spirituality – dying to ourselves and rising to new life. That is, saying “no” to our own needs in that moment, and receiving the “yes” of blessing in our marriage.

This is not to say that our own needs aren’t important; but they may not be the most important at that time. It may be more important to live in trust that God is at work even we aren’t the focus. In other words, it’s all right I am second – and that bit of daily dying can bring blessing.

This time a secular study makes the point.

Monica, Augustine, and Baptism

Monica (d. 387) comes to mind in May: her commemoration day is May 4 and, of course, she was a mother. A mother to Augustine, arguably the most important Christian theologian in the first few hundred years of the Christian church. 

But it was a line in a Lutheran Woman Today article that caught attention: when Monica’s son Augustine was baptized as an adult by Ambrose of Milan, the author notes that she “viewed the event as her life’s achievement.” You just know there’s a story there, don’t you.

Briefly, the story is that Monica was a Christian woman whose son resisted the faith for a long time. In fact, probably for 15 to 20 years. He tried “everything,” so to speak, including philosophy and all kinds of religious heresies. He himself admitted to being wayward and lazy. He lived with a concubine and had a child out of wedlock. But through it all, his mother never gave up on him coming to God. No wonder she viewed his baptism as “her life’s achievement.”

Could we pray that children had such devoted mothers – and fathers – today? 

Of course, when many parents bring their infant to the font for baptism today, this event is likely not, for them, a “life’s achievement” – unless, of course, it takes place in the face of huge obstacles, has been much prayed over, and requires personal sacrifice. Such often is not the case in the places I’ve lived. Instead, it’s sometimes easier to get the child baptized than not. Even for parents who aren’t sure they themselves are believers. Social pressure at work, you know, like getting grandma and grandpa “off their case.” Quite a different world from Augustine’s and we need to think hard about what that means.

 On this day in May, however, I thank God for the Monicas in every child’s life, the people who will pray and persist, love and live faithfully, so that our children will come to believe. Sometimes their “life’s achievement” today will be all the work that comes after baptism – which may be every bit as demanding as Monica’s was before her son’s baptism.